High

As I looked out of the window,

In that stuffy, old classroom,

Drowning out the noise made

By the girls with loud voices

And no content,

Trying to prove a point

That could never amount to

Anything more than sound,

I glanced up

At the beautiful open sky

Above us

And finally understood

What it feels like to truly be in love.

I’m in love with the night sky

And the stars,

And the endless rows of trees,

Over flowing the country landscape,

And the sun,

That never fails to shine,

Despite all the darkness surrounding it,

And the ocean,

Unexplored and undiscovered,

And this universe,

The solar system,

Everything.

I’m so in love with it all

And so grateful to be

A part of this,

I’m so lucky.

The sky is so infinite

And makes the distance between us

Seem less important,

As every night,

We’re both looking at the same

Set of stars.

I’ve always admired

The way the clouds could linger

Through the air,

Unable to be weighed down

Or held to anything.

It was free.

I’m so tired

Of drowning

In these endless days

And sleepless nights,

I don’t want to be

Weighed down anymore.

I mean,

I’m not scared

Of being alone,

But fuck,

I’m terrified

Of being left lonely.

There were so many

Of the clouds above us,

All side by side.

I think it’s hard

To feel lonely

When there is

So much around you,

So much holding you together.

I’ve felt like such a mess lately,

Leaving lost fragments

Of myself

Everywhere.

I need someone

To come along

And just be there.

I’m starting to feel so lonely

And I don’t know

If I can do this alone

Anymore.

I want to be held together.

She called me 6 times

Last night.

I didn’t realize

Until she had fallen asleep

And the night was fading

In to morning,

And the sun was starting

To awaken from its

Brief slumber.

She was sitting next to me,

I’ve never seen her so quiet.

We both walked on eggshells

Around each other,

In fear of finally saying

The things

We promised ourselves

That we would never mention.

Her perfume was flowing

Through the air

And it was hard to breathe.

I missed her scent.

It made me want to crawl up

Inside of her arms

And fall asleep.

I could sleep forever with her.

She’s the closest

To home that I’ve felt

In such a long time.

Her scent was a mixture

Of rainy days

And spring roses.

I was inhaling so much of her

That I was starting to get high.

I almost let an ‘I love you’

Slip through my lips,

But caught it before

It had the power to tear

Everything else apart.

I could feel her eyes

Burning into the side of my face,

Like the cup of coffee

Left in the microwave

For too long.

I think she wanted me

To look at her,

To reassure her that

It wasn’t all a lie,

That I had felt

The butterflies erupt in my stomach

And the skipped heartbeat,

And the love

That had blurred her vision.

I couldn’t look at her though,

I couldn’t allow myself to

Look into her warm, brown eyes

Because I would fall

And she wasn’t strong enough

To catch me.

Her arms were weak

And her heart was heavy.

I knew better than to push

A girl like her.

I realized that the lost

Can’t carry the weak.

I watched her wait

For me to change my mind,

To fight for her,

To chase her,

The way nobody had before.

But her voice,

So soft and calm,

Made the hairs

On the back of my neck

Stand to attention.

She always had my

Damn attention.

Ugh.

She was so damn beautiful

And it’s so hard

To contain myself

When she is all I see.

I see her in the flowers

That grow by my house.

I see her in the leaves,

The color of autumn,

That softly fall in my front yard.

I see her in every stranger

That passes me.

I see her in every word

I write in my journal

And in every chord I play

On my guitar.

I see her in every little,

Insignificant thing

That I do.

I see her in everything

And everyone

And it’s just so beautiful

She is so fucking

Beautiful.